Manly men do it too—and we’re not talking about fighting or hunting. Oh no, we’re talking about the prostate-stimulating, orgasm-inducing, kink-friendly kind of sex you may not have tried—pegging.

Sex columnist Dan Savage was taking questions about pegging in his column in the early 2000s and he coined the term. At the time, he was talking about a cisgender woman using a strap on to penetrate a cisgender man. Since then the term has expanded, so you’ll excuse our over-excited intro; we just think men who are into pegging are so hot. Anyways, the defining factor of pegging nowadays isn’t gender or orientation, but simply the use of a strap on or dildo for anal play.

There’s a lot to love about anal sex, so let’s dive in.

Remind Me—Why Should I Be Into This?

If pegging seems weird to you, let’s do a quick anatomy recap. If you have a prostate, it will probably feel really good to stimulate it. In fact, we recently talked to pegging fan *Mark about what it feels like.

“The orgasm from pegging is intense and probably the most powerful one you will ever have,” Mark told us in an interview. “My first orgasm from penetration lasted almost a minute.”

That makes sense given that the prostate is another erogenous zone in the human body. Everybody has multiple erogenous zones, and the prostate is also called the P-spot for its pleasurable abilities. It doesn’t just feel good; prostate stimulation can help correct and prevent erectile dysfunction, too. Prostate awareness is key because serious issues, like cancer, are common for people with prostates. Pegging won't prevent cancer, but prostate stimulation is good for men’s sexual health overall!

Lastly, before we get to the good stuff, just know that Mark says pegging doesn’t impact your masculinity or sexuality at all. If you’re straight, anal play won’t change that. In fact, Mark thinks of himself as pretty manly.

“I work in carpentry, hunt, and feel like a rather masucline fellow and I think that my partners like that about me as well,” Mark says. “I really wanted to be penetrated but am not attracted to men.”

But, Won’t It Hurt?

Here’s the thing: pegging doesn’t have to hurt or be uncomfortable. We talked to kink and BDSM educator Candace Liger, aka Coach Felyne, about making the ride as smooth as possible. First, they say getting consent is key.

“If you’re engaging with a partner and you want to do it for the first time, it’s an integration, not a centering,” Coach Felyne, who offers a BDSM 101 course, told us in an interview. “I wouldn't want to be pegged by someone who wouldn't take the time to connect with me.”

After talking with your partner and agreeing to try pegging, Coach Felyne says taking it slow is the key to making anal play comfortable. We couldn't agree more, and would also add that you can never, ever have too much lube! Lube is key for any kind of penetration, but especially with sensitive anal tissues. Our very own Fluid Aqua, is an FDA certified, water-based, toy-safe lube that replicates the body’s natural moisture. Fluid Aqua keeps things slicker and smoother for longer!

A tube of Fluid Aqua, a water-based personal lubricant by Lora DiCarlo, sits on the floor next to a person wearing jeans and a grey sweatshirt. A tube of Fluid Aqua, a water-based personal lubricant by Lora DiCarlo, sits on the floor next to a person wearing jeans and a grey sweatshirt.

“Make it juicy, rub around the rim. Put it in slowly, pull it out. Warm it up. This is a car that’s never been driven”, Coach Felyne says of the importance of speed when pegging for the first time. “Take some time and open the door, rub the handle, and then sit down in the car.”

Mark says that when you’re ready to move to dildos, a variety of sizes that start small is best. While each person is different, Mark says 1 ½ inch diameter by 6 inches long “is about all [he] can handle.” He also likes dildos that are somewhat flexible without being too bendy, and nothing curved. He says to remember that a partner without a penis will be new to this too, and may take some time to get used to the thrusting motion.

Coach Felyne says butt plugs are their number one choice for beginner’s anal toys, as they give the person autonomy over size and speed, and allows the person to breathe through any discomfort in private first. Felyne also encourages partners to relax and says there’s something to be learned each time you “go into the butt,” meaning you may want to treat anal sex like the first time, every time.

A person sits in a bathtub with their hand outstreched holding Tilt, a warming vibrating plub by Lora DiCarloA person sits in a bathtub with their hand outstreched holding Tilt, a warming vibrating plub by Lora DiCarlo

What Are The Benefits?

Let’s be real, pegging just feels really good. Mark already told us about the amazing orgasms he felt during anal play. But what about the giver, not the receiver? Well, Mark says pegging benefits both partners.

“Your partner will get off on the fact that they have caused you this amazing pleasure. One partner called it ‘Riding the Lightning,”’ Mark says.

Riding the lightning? We’re absolutely here for that. Who wouldn’t want that feeling for themselves and their partners? Pegging gives your prostate pleasure and empowers your partner in incredible new ways. It’s a win-win!

After The Fact

Sorry, there’s really just no getting around what comes out of your butt. That’s why you need to think about aftercare before ever even hopping into bed. Coach Felyne says aftercare convos should start before sex, so partners know what to expect after it’s over.

“What do I need after this experience?” they say partners should ask themselves. “Having self-awareness around what you’re feeling, that can help bridge wonderful communication.”

Of course, there’s also the important question of who’s going to clean up. Mark recommends having towels around, and he also does enemas beforehand. In our opinion, pegging is not much different than having p-in-v sex. For cis women, remember how much you appreciated a time when a partner brough you a damp towel to clean up, especially if you’ve ever used the pull-out method? When you’re pegging, it’s best to return the same kindness. It’s such a simple gesture that shows there’s no shame in making a mess, which can totally happen to anyone (we’re looking at you, period sex).

Listen, is pegging going to feel completely unique and new if you’ve never done it before? Absolutely. But that doesn’t mean it has to be uncomfortable, shameful, nor does it change anything about who you are. In fact, it could bring you and your partner closer together.

It’s a serious flex to be the only guy in your friend group secure enough in his masculinity to hand over the reins.

 

*Name changed to protect privacy