It’s time to get cliterate! If you’re looking for the no-nonsense guide to stimulating yours or your partner’s clitoris, you’ve come to the right place. After all, most people with vulvas need more than p-in-v stimulation to orgasm—and that’s completely normal.
Wherever your pleasure takes you, we’re with you. Let’s get down to brass tacks and talk about all the ways you can stimulate a clitoris, both internally and externally.
Why Is Clitoral Stimulation Important?
Here’s what we know: our research shows that a vast majority of our customers like and crave clitoral stimulation. Of 1,472 people surveyed, 93% of respondents enjoyed clitoral stimulation.
But although many enjoy clitoral stimulation, not everybody with a vulva gets off. The orgasm gap is a real problem, and it disproportionately affects heterosexual couples. According to our research, one-third of people with vaginas are infrequently orgasming when they have sex. Around 66% of heterosexual people with vaginas orgasm frequently, compared to 73% of people with vaginas within the LGBTQ+ community.
The orgasm gap makes clitoral stimulation and knowledge of yours and your partner’s desires important. While communication is key to overcoming the orgasm gap, so is the ability to try new kinds of stimulation and pleasure.
Before we get started, some ground rules….
We’ve talked about the pleasure deficit in some couples, but there are a couple of ground rules to know before you move on to the fun stuff:
- Chuck the masturbation myths out the window. Masturbation won’t make you hairy, or less likely to orgasm, or less attractive; nor is it infidelity. Masturbation is healthy for your body and brain! You need to process, and let go of, those toxic myths that keep us from achieving sexual wellness and pleasure.
- Orgasm isn’t always the goal. When it comes to clitoral stimulation, know that communication and patience are key. It can take time to achieve climax if you struggle with pain or previous trauma, and sexual exploration and pleasure is, in itself, worthwhile. Remove the pressure to orgasm from you AND your partner.
- Warm up is required! It’s never a good idea to go in cold. The clitoris has 8,000 sensitive nerve endings and is made of erectile tissue. It takes time to be completely aroused, and many times stimulation can be painful without arousal or adequate lubrication.
Get Handsy: Fingered Clitoral Stimulation
In our research, 54% of respondents enjoyed up-and-down motion on the clitoris, and 50% enjoyed side-to-side motion. You can incorporate these movements into a solo or partnered session, but there are tons of other options!
Here are a few hands-on (or fingers-on) types of stimulation to try on yourself or someone else:
1. Tapping or pulsing the clitoris. Since many enjoyed this kind of stimulation, try tapping gently with a finger or two and slowly, steadily increasing pressure and speed. 39% of respondents like mixed speed and pressure depending on arousal, so it’s important to check in on your partner.
2. The peace sign. The clitoris has an internal structure that sort of looks like a wishbone. Using lots of lube, use your peace sign fingers to slide up and down inside the outer labia, stimulating the inner lips. This reaches the internal clitoral structure!
3. Around the clock. Instead of thinking of the clitoris as a bulb, imagine it as a circular clock. Try moving a finger or two around in circles, alternating speed or gently increasing speed and pressure!
Hands-Free: Oral Clitoral Stimulation
In our survey, 61% of respondents enjoyed a sucking sensation on the clitoris. This is the bread and butter of giving good oral sex, and we encourage you to try it, as well as:
- Little circles with your tongue. The clock analogy works here, too! You can trace the clitoris with a tongue using varying speeds and pressure.
- Sucking and nibbling. Sucking the clitoris is a great way to provide lots of stimulation. Keep your teeth out of the action, though, unless your partner specifically requests it!
- Up and down. You can also mimic the same up-and-down motion with your tongue by flicking it on the clitoris. The tongue flick is gentler than flicking with a finger, so it can build intensity without being overwhelming or painful.
Take Your Pleasure Up a Notch
We’re a firm believer that toys make pleasure so much better—and easier! We have a few clitoral stimulators of our own that are great for partnered or solo play:
- Baci - Baci is a clitoral microrobot that simulates the feeling of a human mouth giving suction on the clitoris. It stimulates the entire clitoral bulb, so be prepared for intense pleasure.
- Filare - Filare is a clitoral stimulator that mimics a human tongue stroking and circling the clitoris. Filare features 2 stimulation points and offers slow stroking to an intense vibration feeling.
- Carezza - is the unicorn of magic fingers, with pinpointed stimulation that builds from a gentle massage to a deep drumming vibration.
These toys are all very versatile. If you combine a toy with the peace sign method, or use Baci to stimulate the entire structure, you can experience deep orgasms that leave your entire vulva tingling.
Adding any of the three (and the choice really comes down to what kind of stimulation you most prefer: sucking, licking or tapping) to penetrative sex could result in the holy O: the blended orgasm. Blended orgasms result when you climax in two areas at once, mostly commonly the G-spot (inside the vagina) and the clitoris. However, partners could also watch each other get off with separate toys or use them during foreplay. The possibilities are endless!
So be sure to show the clitoris in your life some love. Your body, or your partner’s, will thank you.